Q & A with Jay is a weekly column maintained by Detroit Chic writer, Jay. She answers readers questions and concerns about some of the most embarrassing, troublesome and pressing relationship issues. Have a question? Email her at detroitchic.contactus@gmail.com

This week’s question comes from Madisin in Saint Clair Shores:


“I know that I shouldn’t be snooping through my boyfriend’s phone but I did and found some text messages from another girl about meeting up with him. I don’t know this girl and he has never mentioned her before. He has never cheated on me (that I know of) and always treats me good but this really worries me. Should I be worried? Should I confront him? Please help, I’m about to lose my mind and my boyfriend is starting to notice something is up.”

Madisin,

I’m NOT one to snoop in a man’s phone. I am nowhere near the perfect girlfriend, but I know that things can be taken the wrong way when we feel like our security is being threatened. You should have concern but no worry. You have to remember men and women are the only two sexes in the world. He is bound to have a relationship with a girl other than you, not romantically. Now you are in a tough spot: your mind is racing and you’ve become “less” of yourself but if tell your boyfriend his trust will be broken. I think you know what you have to do. You need to admit to your snooping and ask him directly. It would be fun if life were a movie and you and a girlfriend could tail him around spying, but this is the real world and things like that may dig you deeper into a hole should this turn out to be nothing. I know it’s hard to accept, but if he is cheating it will surface somewhere. I once had a guy who spent every second with me. One morning I woke up and he had left for work. I wanted to be cute so I logged on his computer to change his background image to a picture of us and his facebook chat was up.  I read through an entire conversation with a girl. I found out he was cheating but to get there I has to betray his trust. Two days later someone told me about his little affair. I would have found out either way.

Some girls have such a perfect guy that they get nervous and look for flaws (I’m guilty of this as well). He treats you good, ENJOY IT! Not many out there will.

So, yes, confront him, apologize and do expect there to be some tension from him for a while for the snooping. But at least this way you will start to act more like the girl he’s used to. If he is cheating, that’s a whole other issue I would love to help you with.

Goodluck : )

-Jay